


Morning Beautiful

by lunarcat



Category: Last Shadow Puppets
Genre: Death, I am a HORRIBLE PERSON, I am so sorry, M/M, trigger warning cancer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-22
Updated: 2015-05-22
Packaged: 2018-03-31 18:42:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,139
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3988642
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lunarcat/pseuds/lunarcat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The words 'He has cancer', don't really register in Miles' mind at first.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Morning Beautiful

**Author's Note:**

> I am so sorry, I'm such a horrible person. I promised a cute fluffy chaptered fic, that I have completely abandoned by the way, and instead I give you this heap. I truly am a terrible person.

Death isn't graceful, nor is it kind. It's a horrid darkness that springs upon you and disappears within the same second, taking your whole word with it. At least, that's how Miles would describe Alex's death. 

Miles cried and he wished he hadn't, he wished he had been strong for Alex. He wished a lot of things; he wished he'd brought Alex to see the stars in Venice or the tulip fields in Amsterdam, but most of all, he wished Alex had never gotten that God forsaken disease. 

It's funny, and not a humorous kind of funny but more of a gut-sinking type, when Alex had complained about a constant pain in the back of his head that he had brushed off as a side effect from being on tour for far too long, Miles had a feeling and definitely not a good one, that something wasn't right, that something wasn't adding up. He had let it go when Alex assured him that he was fine. Another thing he wished he hadn't done. Maybe if he'd insisted that Alex should go to the doctor he would still be here, or they'd at least have had a bit more time together and prepared for what had been to come. 

Miles drew the straw with Alex when he started to forget things, little things, like how Miles liked his tea, or if his toothbrush was the blue or the green one. Alex gave in to the idea of seeing a doctor rather easily, which put Miles' already uneasy mind on edge. 

When Alex saw the doctor, a lovely middle aged woman named Alice who was incredible with Alex from the very start, for the first time, she didn't seem too concerned, but decided to book an appointment for a blood test and an MRI scan nonetheless. 

Miles remembers every detail about the day Alex got his results. He had woken up to a teary eyed Alex who kept mumbling 'what ifs' over and over again and Miles didn't know how to respond. He couldn't assure Alex, couldn't tell him that everything was going to be alright, because there was a chance that it wasn't. He had held Alex's face with such care, told him that if something goes wrong, they would fight whatever it was together, that he would never leave him for even a minute through it all. He stayed true to himself, even if he didn't know he'd have to at the time. 

Miles remembers Alice's look of despair as she invited them into her office. He remembers her voice, soft, as if she was terrified of what she was saying. He remembers only three words that fell from her lips. Brain tumour. Cancer. 

Cancer. Alex had cancer.

Miles' whole world came crashing down around him. He can still feel the tears that burned his eyes, and the shakes that racked Alex's entire body. There is no preparing yourself for that kind of news. No matter how many times you tell yourself to keep an open mind, and to consider even the worst possibilities, the feeling you get when those possibilities become a reality is crushing, heart-shattering, unbearable. 

Alex was a trooper throughout the entire journey, always had a lopsided grin plastered across his face, and Miles hated himself for crying every minute Alex's back was turned. This wasn't supposed to happen, they had never included the chance of this happening in their plans and Miles hated the universe for cursing their lives with this - this thing. He couldn't even begin to think of a word horrible enough to describe what Alex was going through. 

Miles had remembered watching an episode of 'Grey's Anatomy' where a doctor named Mark Sloan had been in a horrific accident. He'd been in a coma for days, but suddenly he'd woken up and with an energy that had amazed everybody. He'd smiled and laughed and was full of life until suddenly he wasn't. The line went dead, along with him. In the days leading up to a person's death, their soul supposedly gives their body one last hoorah, as if to give the finger to the life their leaving behind. 

Miles waited for that day to arrive, but it never did. He had hopes, hopes to see the lovable moody twat he had married, just one more time. Miles knew he was holding onto false hope, he knew they were running out of time. 

When the inevitable day finally did arrived, he kept it together for him, for Alex. Alice had rang him at 4 am, July 5th, and Miles knew their time was up. He made it to the hospital in time, still a few moments in which he could say goodbye. Alex had been so scared, not of dying, but of leaving Miles behind and alone. Miles had told him to shut up, had told him that he would never be truly alone because Alex would live on in his heart. He knew it was corny, but it made the corners of Alex's mouth twitch upwards into the most beautiful sight Miles had seen in a long time. They didn't talk much, they didn't need to . They knew exactly what the other one was feeling, and when Alex tried to mumble the words 'I love you', Miles had cut him off with a kiss. Letting Alex finish that sentence would mean accepting the fact that he would never hear those words again. 

Miles knew it was time when Alex's eyes began to well up, when his breath quickened, when his eyelids fluttered. Miles stroked his cheeks, pressed their foreheads together, repeating the words, 'It's okay baby, you can go, you can go', again and again until the colour completely drained from Alex's cheeks and the twinkle left his eyes. 

Alex would have hated his funeral, absolutely loathed it. He would have hated the words of sorrow expressed to Miles from people he didn't even know. He would have hated all the 'he was a good lad's and the 'I wish I got to know him better's . There was nothing Alex hated more than dishonesty, so his funeral? He would have made a mockery of it. The only thing Alex would have liked, was that Miles had worn his wedding suit. Would have called him a right soppy git, but would have loved it nonetheless. 

Miles really had told Alex the truth when he said he would never be truly alone. He felt him everywhere he went, like Alex was his own little angel perched on his shoulder. He could feel a warmth embrace him every night he slept on Alex's side of the bed, and every morning when the sun streamed through the half open curtains and hit Miles on the skin stretched above his heart, he muttered a 'morning beautiful'.

**Author's Note:**

> Idea from this prompt, 'Before impending death Person A is about to say “I love you”, but Person B cuts them off saying “I know”, because letting them finish would mean accepting the possibility of never seeing them again', I saw floating around otpprompts.


End file.
